Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Retail Therapy

I am an absolute firm believer in retail therapy. I know that shopping always makes me feel better. This is normally not a big deal - I will go in spurts and binges, but nothing too significant. UNTIL NOW. When everything around you has made you into a stressed out depressed nutcase and your true "medication" is shopping, you can end up doing some serious financial damage. And, thus this post.

Ever since I switched jobs, I have been a mess. Mentally, I am still angry and upset and sad and hurt over my previous job. I am bored and confused and disappointed and stressed out about the new job. I dream about work. I constantly second guess my decision to leave my old job. I have no idea what the future holds at my new employer. ugh. I am just a mess about it all, and so what do I do? Shop. A lot. Damn that stupid Target store!!!!

Target is my Prozac. I can walk through Target for hours and hours and find hundreds of dollars of things that I don't need but have to have... and I can honestly tell you that it is extremely rare for me to leave that store without spending at least $100. It makes me feel good... until the credit card bill comes (and I dread the lecture from Jer again :) Because, mixed in with the Target doses are the expensive trips to the craft stores... oh yes, Archiver's and Joann's are additional drugs of choice. Scrapbooking supplies are wonderful and inspiring... and expensive. I always have new pages needing extra embellishments and more paper and ribbon and rub-ons and oh my!

So anyway... shopping is what I always turn to in times of mental angst. And, lately there has been a lot of mental angst - work, Emma's broken foot, etc. - which means a lot of shopping. The credit card bill (my credit card - the one Jerry allows me to use for therapy) came on Friday, and I kept it hidden in my purse until this morning. I didn't want it to ruin the weekend :) Anyhow, it was a little higher than normal (and it also has our airline tickets for our Disney trip on it) and I expect to get a lecture when I get home this evening. I left it in the office (along with a check for some funds out of my stamping account to help alleviate Jer's stress over the bill) before I left for work this morning. Sneaky, I know.

I'm sure this is amusing. My guilt/shame over excessive retail therapy this month. I go back and forth between feeling guilty/ashamed and entitled. I make almost twice as much money as my husband, and the new job provided a hefty salary increase, so part of me feels this sense of "I deserve it." The other half though knows how hard Jerry works on our budget/bills/financial stuff to keep us from being swallowed up in this economic mess the world is in, and I am not doing my share to help...

Anyhow, this is a monthly internal battle for me. I'll let you know who wins this one.

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