Perfect Plaid Pumps

Wow!

2009-09-01T11:05:00.000-07:00

It's been a crazy couple of weeks! The MedCity News cornhole tournament was last week, and I was completely swamped in details for that...

Back in the office today for the first time in nearly a week. Lots of things going on with work and at home. Trying hard not to get too stressed out b/c I don't want to end up getting sick!

Just a few things of note:
1. Zhu Zhu pets are going to take over the world! Already sold out everywhere, I can't imagine the chaos they will cause come Christmas. Thank goodness my girls already have all four available hamsters and sets! Now, if we could get our hands on some clothes for the hamsters, we'd be all set!

2. Took myself off of the BCP. I was on it to treat my migraines and PMDD. I just hate the way it makes me feel. Taking a break for a while. Hopefully I can manage the symptoms on my own. Have a headache now, but pretty sure it's cuz I've had no caffeine today - another thing I'm trying to avoid.

3. Totally feeling the need to start exercising again and lose the weight that this past year has caused me to gain... ordered Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred DVD today. I think I can squeeze in a 30 minute work-out in the a.m. before work. Wish me luck! (Said feeling has probably been caused by jeans shopping over the weekend... oh how I wish I was a little bit taller)

4. Met Maddy's preschool teacher yesterday. Very ready for her to start school next week. She's definitely going to learn a lot this year!

5. My work schedule for the next couple of weeks is getting out of control. Cornhole event was fabulous, but now my real work begins. I really want to close a couple of deals as a result of the cash we blew on the event... My life working for a start-up is never boring :)

6. My blackberry is being retarded today. It won't let me open my address book - it just freezes up. ANNOYING!!

That's it for now. Tomorrow's post will focus on the dentist and the hell it's been for my Maddy.

Kalahari Here We Come

2009-08-11T12:22:00.001-07:00

So, heading out to Kalahari tomorrow for a 2-night stay with the fam. Should be fun except that as all mommies out there know, it's also a lot of work. Gotta head home tonight to load up the coolers and pack up EVERYTHING we need for 3 days of waterpark fun. Wow. Lots of work ahead, and I actually have to go to a meeting at 7:30 tomorrow morning before we leave!

All day I have been making a mental list of all things I must pack...

I put hubby in charge of shopping for snacks/drinks today. I'm sure he did a great job, and it's one less thing for me to worry about. We'll see when I get home tonight...

Lots happening at work. Totally busy few days, and I will have to keep my eyes on the email while we're at Kalahari. Very glad they have free Internet access!!

Today's List

2009-08-07T12:18:00.000-07:00

Woo-hoo! It's Friday. Not a whole of stress going on today. A few things I need to get done, but nothing major. I also think I'm feeling better after a pep talk/meeting I had this morning for work. Anyhow, here's my list:

1. Need to get birthday gift for Maddy to take to friend's party tomorrow
2. Thinking our Friday meeting/dinner is going to run later than I'd like
3. Hoping we have time to visit the Corn Festival this weekend
4. Hoping I can figure out a way for our little company to fund an intern
5. Need to round up stamping $$ owed to me... Hubby is not happy about that.

Thursday's List

2009-08-06T10:43:00.001-07:00

Here we go. Today, I'm thinking about:

1. What am I going to wear tonight? Going out with the neighbors to a bar/pub. I'm thinking jeans and my fav black flip-flops, but I'm not sure about a shirt...??
2. Will I be able to find what I want to wear in the giant pile of clean clothes that fills my extra bedroom? Hmm.... should probably put that all away sometime this century.
3. I need an intern. So happy to be talking to someone from NOCHE tomorrow!
4. I have to wake up early for the third day in a row tomorrow! Damn breakfast meetings.
5. Should I go through the mess of creating a "media kit" for the company?
6. Hoping hubby doesn't flip out when the credit card bill comes this month... which will be any day now, perhaps even today.
7. I NEED to put in the July stamping order this week. Damn all those ladies who haven't placed their orders yet!!! I hate harassing them.

That's it for now.

Hiatus

2009-08-06T10:32:00.001-07:00

Well, it's been like 6 months since I've posted anything here. Why? Well, a lot has changed with me personally and professionally, and honestly, I had no idea what to do with this blog.

Do I want to be a "mommy blogger" and post about my kids? Not really. I love my kids, but more of my thoughts about them are purely in a bragging-show-off sort of way. Who doesn't think about their kids like that?

When I re-entered the blogging world last year, I had all intentions of writing more about my corporate life and the fashionista side of me that came with it; however, I am no longer living that life. Everyone knows I was job hunting during my last post. Happy news - I am employed and started a new job shortly after that last post. The interesting thing is that I now work for a start-up online news service and I am the only "employee" at this point. So, now some of this blog may share the trials and tribulations of heading down this untread path, I don't have too many characters to use here, and upon any Google search you would instantly figure out all of them.

Aside from the question of what to do with this blog, I also started wondering why do I want to blog at all? Answer: it's an outlet, a place to vent, a place to clear my head. Yes, sometimes I can write fun, spunky things, but I don't want to stress about that.

So - what's on my mind? What do I need to write about? Every day this is going to be my list of things on my mind, things that are stressing me out, things I just need to put somewhere... Maybe it's interesting to other people, and maybe it's not, but that's what I'm going to do.

I'm going to keep the name because, frankly, I love the name. And, also because finding the perfect shoes to any outfit is frequently a source of stress for me! Right now, I have some stress related to shoes: I have a DSW gift card (where said plaid pumps were purchased) and no time to shop!!!!

40 Dumb Things About Me

2009-03-20T07:21:00.000-07:00

1. Do you like blue cheese dressing? Nope.
2. Do you have a favorite non-coffee, non-alcoholic drink? Diet Mountain Dew
3. Do you own a gun? No way
4. What's your favorite drink at Starbucks or other specialty coffee shop? Signature Hot Chocolate
5. What do you think of hot dogs? They're ok. I like them with the cheese inside.
6. Favorite Christmas movie? Rudolph by Rankin Bass
7. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? Hot chocolate
8. Can you do push ups? Yes, but not very many.
9. What's your favorite piece of jewelry? My ring with Maddy's birthstone. Jerry gave it to me for my first Mother's Day.
10. Favorite hobbies? scrapbooking, stamping, shopping, reading
11. Do you have ADD? nope -I'm an extremely focused person
12. What's one trait that you hate about yourself? I have no patience.
13. Middle name? Sue
14. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment? I need to get in the shower soon. I should probably eat a quick lunch before I leave for interview. I hate that I have a really long day planned.
15. 3 drinks I drink most often? Diet Mountain Dew, Sunny D, apple juice
16. Current worry right now? Ha! I think everyone knows the answer to that.
17. Current hate(s) right now? My house is a mess. Giant laundry pile.
18. Favorite place to be? home with my girls
19. How did you ring in the New Year? Party for hubby's 30th birthday
20. Like to Travel? Yes and wish I could do more of it!
21. Name three people who will steal this and post on their blog? Have no idea.
22. Do you own slippers? yes - several different styles
23. What color shirt are you wearing? gray and black
24. Could you ever make it 39 days on the show Survivor? Hell no. I'm a total girl. I hate being outside with bugs and animals. I don't even eat most normal food, so I could never do any of those weird food challenges. I have no patience for annoying/stupid people.
25. What songs do you sing in the shower? Sometimes HSM songs with Maddy.
26. Favorite girl names? Madeline, Emma, Charlotte, Chloe
27. Favorite boy names? Henry, Calvin
28. What's in your pocket right now? Don't have any pockets
29. Last thing that made you laugh? Maddy doing a runway show in her new bikini and sunglasses (I'll have to post pictures)
30. Worst injury you've ever had? Broken femur
31. Do you love where you live? LOVE my house. It's our dream home.
32. How many TVs do you have in your house? 4
33. Who is your loudest friend? ???
34. Does someone have a crush on you? Probably my girls, since I spoil them rotten!
35. What is your favorite candy? Reeses eggs
36. Favorite Sports Team? Not really into sports.
37. What were you doing 12 AM last night? On the computer
38. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up today? All the shit I have to do before I leave for my interview
39. What is your favorite Holiday? Christmas
40. What are your plans for tomorrow? Home & Flower Show with my aunt, visit my grandparents, dinner with my girls and clean the house

Passion

2009-03-11T13:32:00.000-07:00

I had an interview yesterday with a hospital system that I would absolutely die to work for... they are growing and strong and a very reputable organization. The job is a perfect fit for me - a strategic communications manager role... aaahh... heaven.

I wish there was some way, aside from the normal things said in my interviews yesterday, that I could convey how passionate I am about health care and about the communications field, in general. Whenever I think about this job, I can just feel all the energy bursting inside. I want this job with my whole heart, but all I can do now is wait for them to call. HR said it would be a week or two... aaaahhh!

In all of the interviews I've been on these last several months, this one felt very different. I had no weird feelings or unusual gut reactions. I LOVED the people I met. I had a lot in common with them. I know a TON of the same people in their circle, and quite frankly, I was just inspired and refreshed in meeting the group.

I know I have posted here before about prayers and wanting particular positions, but this one is right for me. I can feel it in my soul. It's the right level, it's the right type of responsibilities, it's health care and fun people!!!!!!

I just have to wait now, and hope I don't get an ulcer in the meantime.

Overwhelming

2009-03-03T09:11:00.001-08:00

I've decided that job searching/networking/interviewing is much harder and more exhausting than actually having a job. I have this constant 24/7 need to be sitting at the computer, searching job postings, emailing, tweeting, hoping to find something I missed before...

Anyhow, I feel like in the past few weeks things have started to open up a little bit. I've been on a few more interviews and there are a few more postings this week that seem to be a possible fit for me, so we shall see. I've got a fun interview on Thursday already lined up.

I've been networking like a crazy woman, and I feel good about all the connections I've made. I know many of my new friends will be great allies now and in the future... I'm a little amazed at how "small world" Cleveland has started to feel lately.

Oh well, I'm rambling. Not a whole lot to say except the search continues. There is a job I'd LOVE to have at another hospital, and I'm waiting for a phone call. I'm not good at waiting, although I'm getting better at it as the weeks pass by...

I am a bit under the weather. I have a terrible cold/sinus thing going on. Ugh. Both girls have got some version of it as well.

I'm home today with just Em. Maddy had school, so Emma and mommy are having a nice quiet day. She's napping now. I heart her new lip-smacking thing she started doing when she wants to give me a kiss. It's just completely melting me today.

Anyhow, I've got a lot I want to get done while she's sleeping, so I'm off to check some things off my to-do list!

Roller Coaster Ride

2009-02-23T14:52:00.000-08:00

So, last Monday I remember spending much of the morning in tears. Just upset and sad about everything and being full of regrets and anger - definitely on the down turn of the roller coaster ride. This week, a totally different story. I'm on the up side of the roller coaster ride.

I have three interviews this week!!! Woo-hoo!! I also have another meeting scheduled next week that has me super-psyched. And, our local newspaper wants to include me in a story about the unemployed - blogging, interviews, video, photos, etc. I think it could be a lot of fun, and it's something to keep me occupied.

Tomorrow is outplacement training day - ugh. Wednesday I am down to C-bus for an interview, and then I have two other agency interviews on Thursday.

Riding high!

Kalahari

2009-02-19T15:50:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow my family embarks on our 6th annual winter trip to Kalahari. There are 23 of us going. We fill two giant suites!! This trip is my grandparents' Christmas gift to us all, and we all really look forward to it every year. It's funny but the first year we went, Jerry and I were just married and we went on all the rides ourselves. Drank a lot. The next year, I was pregnant with Maddy. Ugh. Being there and feeling like a whale in a bathing suit kinda sucked. The next year was Maddy's first trip. She fell asleep in the lazy river on a tube with Jerry. The next year, I was pregnant with Emma. Again, whale feeling. Last year, Emma's first trip. She got sick there, but she tried to stay happy and enjoy it. Now, hopefully this year, we'll have two healthy girls there. Maddy is SUPER excited. Emma loves the water, so I'm sure she will also have a blast.

It's great because we all divided up food/drink stuff and everybody is bringing something. Should be a great time.

These 23 people... it's my mom's side of the family. My grandparents (they are 65 years old), my parents, the four of us, my brother's family (wife and two daughters), my single uncle, my other uncle's family (son, son's friend, girlfriend, girlfriend's daughter), my aunt's family (husband, three sons and one daughter). Crazy, crazy. Age range 65-9 months and everything in-between!

Gotta go finish packing! I'll post on Monday and let you know how it goes!

Revelations

2009-02-19T10:24:00.000-08:00

Well, tomorrow marks three weeks since the official HR meeting at Nat City. It's been an emotional roller coaster - surgery and recovery, and then facing reality. Here I sit, blogging as an unemployed PR pro. And what I have realized in these few weeks is exactly that - I am a public relations professional. Why is that important? Because as I read through job posting after job posting, there are times when I read marketing jobs and sales jobs and development jobs and think to myself, "I could do that." And I could. I know I could mold myself into those roles and do them well. However, those things are not my passions. They are not what I love to do and they are not what I devoted my college years to studying and mastering.

Thanks to my severance package, I have time to find something new and I need to do myself justice by not settling and not succumbing to fear and taking something that just isn't me. I LOVE working with the media. I'm good at it. I've had success that many PR pros dream about. I LOVE health care. I completely and with my whole self miss that work. Not necessarily the place, but the work. Telling stories. That's what I do.

Every time I hear that song "Rockstar" by Pink, I get all pumped up and think about how I am a rockstar. Now, I just need to find a company that is willing to let me perform on their stage.

I've been asked a lot lately about what I want to do - corporate or agency? My answer is either. It doesn't necessarily matter to me. What matters to me is that I'm valued and that the people are inspiring and comfortable. Most importantly, they need my expertise and it feels right in my gut.

These past few months have been excruciating for me. I'm used to being at the top, being a standout. Now, I feel like I'm starting all over again. And that's ok, because I've learned so many lessons and realized what really matters to me. I am a public relations professional and I will come out of this mess being a better one.

Movie-Goers

2009-02-13T17:41:00.000-08:00

OK, so I went to the movies this afternoon with my friend Julie to see Confessions of a Shopaholic. We both read all the books and were prepared to take in the film version, but as we sat in the theater, we were just cracking up at our fellow attendees.

We got there early, scoped out good seats. You all know that getting good seats is easy, but good seats quickly become HORRIBLE seats as more people pop in and don't know good etiquette. When the theater is not full, there is no need to sit right next to, in front of, or even remotely really close to other people you don't know... well, we didn't get anyone TOO close, except for the woman who sat in front of us (not directly in front, but one seat over). It was so strange. She brought a pillow with her and put it behind her back. She was there alone and she sat bundled up in her coat the entire time. Then there were a two men (not together) who came to this complete chick flick ALONE. WEIRD. Then, there was the woman who was obviously not handicapped who sat in the handicapped seats AND she was wearing a bizarre sparkly red knit hat...? And, we cracked up at the poor sap guys who got dragged to this movie by the girlfriends who have them completely whipped. Hilarious.

This movie is a total nod to fashionistas/shopaholics everywhere, so there were a few women there who were dressed a little too appropriately for attending an afternoon matinee... yes, girl with the gold ballet slippers I mean you.

So, the afternoon movie experience was worth it - laughs are the best medicine, especially when you are depressed about your current employment status!

Job Stuff

2009-02-12T05:49:00.000-08:00

It's been a busy week... I had lunch with a Malachi House board member on Tuesday and then a round of formal interviews there yesterday. Things went well. Am I certain this is a good fit? No. Need to learn more and figure out if fundraising is really the way I want to go... I do want to work in non-profit, but I rather do PR than development work. We'll see. The place is really touching and inspiring. The work would be meaningful... aaahhh.

I also had drinks last night with a friend and my former boss. It was good to catch up. It's still incredibly hard to hear about the person they hired to replace me at the hospital. I just have to keep doors open. And, listening to her, it does remind me of why I chose to leave in the first place.

The girls and I are home today. Maddy woke up at 2 a.m. with the stomach flu, throwing up ever since. Bummer is I was supposed to go to school with her today to be the parent helper for pink pancake day :( I'm sad we had to miss it. So far Emma is ok, but I would take bets that she ends up sick tonight!

Recovering

2009-02-08T16:47:00.000-08:00

The surgery went well. Everything went as planned. I got wheeled back into surgery at 11:45. Woke up around 2:00. Left the hospital at 5:30. My mom came and spent the night on Wednesday night, which was really helpful. I spent Thursday and Friday home alone, and it was glorious! Nothing but sleeping, reading and watching TV. It was a peaceful couple of days. I finished two novels in two days! And then read a third one yesterday. I went to my mom's to get out of the house a little bit yesterday. I had lunch there and slept on the couch. Today we ventured out to my grandparents' house to celebrate my grandpa's 65th birthday. I love my grandma!! I came home with a snuggie blanket and moisturizing socks - it was my "get well" goody package.

I'm home now agonizing over tomorrow. I'm home alone with the girls... back to real life. Good thing is I have a lunch meeting about Malachi House on Tuesday!! Wednesday will be another day at home, and on Thursday, I am going to Maddy's school to be a class helper. (I never get to do that when I'm working.)

I am going to get a manicure tomorrow night - it's a must. I need to go into Tuesday feeling good and ultra-confident. Need good nails for that! I just need to figure out how to tell my hubby that I need the manicure... hmmm. I think I'll just email him while he's at work tomorrow.

Nervous

2009-02-03T17:20:00.000-08:00

Surgery tomorrow. I have to be at the hospital at 9:00 a.m. I probably won't be posting until later this week or early next. I have no idea how much pain will be had post-surgery... I know I'll be getting some good drugs, but still. If I actually had a job at the moment, I would've had to take a week off to recover, so I know this is no picnic. 4 little scars.... ugh.

Day One

2009-02-02T11:40:00.000-08:00

It's day one of this world I am now living in... Home with the girls today, and it's weird. I am going to struggle with this "routine." Monday's I'll have both girls home with me all day. Tuesday's and Thursday's Maddy will go to school and to my MIL's like usual. Wednesday's I'll have them both home. Friday's my mom will still have them.

Good news though - it's my first day, and I've already arranged for two meetings/discussions. One with a guy from an agency based in Columbus - I have a lot of friends/connections down there from college, and they are interested in expanding their businesses in health care and banking... The other is with Brown Flynn. Both will be after I'm recovered from my surgery, but I'm feeling good that calls are coming in already. I am expecting a call from the Malachi House team probably tomorrow...

Anyhow, this is a strange and weird feeling for me. I had a talk with Maddy today to explain why she can't answer the phone, and why when mommy goes to talk on the phone in her closet, that means she needs to be extra quiet and be a big baby-sitter for Emma. She was really sweet about it and seemed to get that it was important that she help me :)

Oh well, Em just woke up from her nap. Gotta run.

Cross

2009-01-30T15:02:00.000-08:00

I'm not exactly sure why, but on my drive home after getting the news this morning, I felt this compelling need to wear a cross necklace. I wore one a few years ago when I was going through some personal crises, and somehow it always made me feel better. Problem is the one I used to wear broke last year. So, I stopped on the way home and bought a really inexpensive one. Somehow I just feel safer. I feel some sense that things will be ok. I'll probably wear this every day. I've been saying a lot more prayers these days - job stuff and other things - and the necklace just makes me feel like He's a little closer :)

I am amazed today at the outreach from friends and colleagues offering support and already making professional connections for me. I am so touched by the words everyone is saying about me and my work, and I know it will all work out. I am forever grateful to have such a wonderful support system.

Last Friday of the Month

2009-01-30T11:08:00.001-08:00

D-day ended up being today. They actually scheduled the meeting last night, so I knew that at 10:00 this morning I would be handed my package. It's decent. It should be long enough to find a new job. I'm happy about that, but incredibly sad at the same time. I'm not sad at all really about leaving the place and this job, but rather sad about this journey... what I gave up to take this job. aaahh... regrets. Anyhow, I know it is all going to work out in the end.

Things are ok with the Malachi House job. I talked to another board member today and I should hear from them next week for an interview... fingers crossed.

I'm cried out for today. Tired. Off to take a nap.

Surgery

2009-01-28T18:43:00.001-08:00

FYI - having gallbladder surgery next Wednesday. It's pathetic, but I'm actually excited to have it done. No more late-night attacks of horrendous pain!

Non-Profit Work

2009-01-28T18:19:00.000-08:00

I am heading into work tomorrow for d-day. I know it's coming. If not tomorrow, it will be Friday. The org chart for our dept. was leaked and I am not on it. I'm ok with it, really. I feel like I never really worked here to begin with because it was a catastrophe from the beginning. I'm just worried about my family and that the clock will start ticking... I've already been at this job hunting thing for 3 months and I'm still starting from square one with limited leads right now. Anyhow... there is one really strong lead in the works though, and I'm excited about it.

It's totally out of my box, but in a good way. It's a career change - moving into the non-profit world. Granted my hospital work is technically non-profit, but this is far different. It's a very small organization that is completely funded by private donations, and the role includes fundraising and marketing (in addition to PR). I'm in love with the thought of this job, and here's why...

These past six months have taught me a lot about what I really want to do with my career and more than anything what I do NOT want to do. I have had the privilege of working for the corporate side of PR, the agency side and the health care/non-profit world. I used to think that I just wanted to climb to the top of the ladder and make as much money as I could - that was my definition of success. I always thought that an impressive title is how you stand out/above the crowd, and being a stand-out was always my goal. Well, let me tell you this... I had a really great title, and an amazing salary, for being 29 years old, and I was completely miserable. I have learned that I really hate being the "approver" instead of the do-er. I hate working remotely via conference calls for everything. I need to interact with people. I need to write my own stuff. I need diversity in my work. I despise templates and mapped out scenarios for every day of my job.

So, after looking at millions of job postings and thinking long and hard about my career prospects, I honestly and most sincerely want to pursue a career in non-profit work if He will allow it. The money doesn't matter - as long as I can make enough to pay the bills. I want to use my talents and abilities in a way that really matters and makes a difference. That's why I loved my health care job so much - the stories I was able to tell educated people about treatments and research they might not have otherwise known about... I want to interact with people who love and appreciate the organization I work for (like patients, families, medical staff), because that is what will make me proud of my job (not my title).

And quite frankly, given the current economy, more and more people will be needing the help of non-profit organizations. And thus, non-profits need good leadership and support right now.

This place that I am hoping to end up working is not in the best neighborhood. It's a rather sad place, because it truly is where our city's poor go to die. But when I think about how blessed I am to have my family all around me and to have a roof over my head and financial comfort, I cannot possibly imagine if that were all taken away and on top of it knew that I was dying from a terminal illness. I want to let more people know about this place. I want to help raise money to support this organization. I want to help.

I have to call the chairman of the board on Friday to discuss the opportunity. I've already talked to one board member about it, but the best part is that another board member is someone here at the bank and he called the chairman and sent him my resume and everything... so, I'm hoping the contact "knowing someone" will help. I'll keep you posted.

Anyhow, this organization is Malachi House. www.malachihouse.org. I am praying like crazy that I'm able to land this one. It just feels right. As much as I wanted to be that corporate tough chick, it's just not me. I bring my heart to work. I'm a working mom - not the boardroom bitch :) I need to work for more than money and power.

Rockabye Baby

2009-01-21T09:47:00.000-08:00

It was another sleepless night last night, and after watching TV for two hours and climbing back into bed, I just still couldn't sleep. Then, I started thinking about little Miss Emma sleeping in her crib and I so badly wanted to go in there and snatch her from her crib to rock and hold her, but I didn't. I didn't want to wake her up. So, imagine my excitement when 10 minutes later she wakes up on her own?! I went in there and scooped her up. We assumed our position in the rocking chair, and I just couldn't help but think that this will be one of the last times for this. She's almost 2 now, and every day she is less and less a "baby." I rocked her and kissed her head. There is something about her silky soft hair and the smells from her bath that just make me melt. She reached her hand up and touched my face, and I just couldn't stop thinking about how lucky and blessed I am - no matter where I work. My girls are beautiful and absolutely full of personality, and I love them so much. Miss Emma just completely drew out so many emotions in the rocking chair last night. I held her tight, snuggled up with her blanket, and we rocked much longer than she really needed. I felt so peaceful and relaxed, and so did she. I put her back in her crib and returned to my bed - snuggled up in my blankets and finally fell asleep.

2009-01-20T10:49:00.000-08:00

Where is your cell phone?desk
Your significant other?jer
Your hair? hi-lights
Your mother? friend
Your father? hero
Your favorite thing? daughters
Your dream last night? job
Your favorite drink? dew
Your dream/goal? job
What room are you in? work
Your hobby? stamping
Your fear? failure
Where do you want to be in 6 Yrs? employed
Where were you last night? home
Something that you aren't? satisfied
Muffins? blueberry
Wish list item? job
Last thing you did? email
What are you wearing? sweater
TV? none
Your pets? none
Friends? many
Your life? ok
Your mood? frustrated
Missing someone? yes
Drinking? water
Smoking? no
Your car? Avenger
Something you're not wearing? gloves
Your favorite store? Target
Your favorite color? Blue
The last time you cried? Friday
Where do you go to over and over? mom
My favorite place to eat? garden
Favorite place I'd like to be at right now? vacation

Grumblings from "Grumpy"

2009-01-20T08:40:00.000-08:00

I have been writing this post in my head for a while now, but I wasn't quite sure how much to divulge... but here it goes.

As you know, things have been stressful (to say the least) for me these past few months, but lately the stress has started to dominate my entire life. Bad. Bad. Bad. I have not been myself at all, and I know it, I feel it, but yet, I just can't seem to do anything about it. Over the weekend, Jer and Maddy were joking with me and calling me "Grumpy" from Snow White.

I'm just in such a funk, and here's why... as much as this shouldn't be the case, my job and career have also defined me. My work has always been a HUGE part of who I am, because I have always prided myself on never being average or normal. You know, always the over-achiever. So, being a mom with this booming career was me. Here I am, at 29 years old, a VP making a huge amount of money and all because I have been this completely driven and focused professional. Yes, sometimes my home life suffered because of my commitment to my career, but never anything horrible, and I always managed to figure it out and do a pretty job at it all. Until now. Now that my job is pretty much a joke, and things are moving so SLOWLY with the new job hunt, I just can't stand it. I feel like a big loser. My confidence in my skills and abilities are plummeting because I have no recent work "success" to thrive on, and I am just so frustrated.

I keep applying for these jobs online, but hear nothing for weeks and weeks. The job that I really do want is taking forever for them to decide, which is torturing me because I can't figure out what their lack of decision really means. I truly think they are stalling for a reason - they haven't said no, they just haven't decided what to do yet - maybe because the committee has been unable to meet yet? Maybe because they are stalling to save $$ in the budget? Maybe because they just don't have their act together? I don't know. It just is annoying. I WANT that job and I would be AWESOME at that job, if only they would give me the chance!!!!

Anyhow, this frustration and anger and resentment is just building as the months drag on. I'm pissed off that I took this job in the first place. I loved my work before, I was just frustrated by politics, which now seem like such petty things to be upset about. I'm mad at myself for not asking more questions in this process and being starry eyed by a title and lots of $$. I am mad about who has replaced me in my old role. I'm mad that after interviewing with 16 different people (not different organizations) in a 6-week period, I didn't seal a deal! I truly only got rejected twice, and once was because they could NEVER afford me, but still. I HATE this.

So, needless to say, I am grumpy, and I've been pretty grumpy at home.

Oh yeah, and I haven't been sleeping. BECAUSE the gall bladder is out of control. Attacks are becoming regular occurrences. I see a surgeon next week, and hopefully the actual surgery gets scheduled soon!! The pain is unbelievable. Need it out. Now.

And, what else is feeding the grumpiness? Lack of shopping. Serious lack of shopping. Jerry and I managed to drudge up some credit card debt this past year, and so we outlined a strict budget plan to get us back on track, which means my therapeutic trips to Target have been on hold when I need them most. Aaahh.

Seriously - I have some pent up frustrations. I just want to hit something. Jerry's idea for helping me with this is a tread mill. Take out the frustration by running. I'm trying that. It does help, until I find myself sitting in this office once again with absolutely nothing to do.

I digress.... back to scouring job sites. Just needed to vent.

Knots

2009-01-08T09:41:00.001-08:00

I am full of "knots" today. The interview committee for the position I want is meeting right now, as I type this! They are deciding my fate - will I have a great weekend and something to celebrate or will I spend it curled up in a fetal position dealing with the demolition of my self-esteem? We'll see... I'll keep you posted.

The Holidays

2009-01-05T07:57:00.000-08:00

Where do I begin? The holidays were amazing and magical. Santa was great to my girls this year and their reactions to every gift were priceless. Miss Madeline is ecstatic over her HSM doll house and her new "beauty shop" set-up. Miss Emma LOVES her Fisher Price slide. The other big hit for both of the girls was probably the cheapest gift Santa brought - a SpongeBob snowcone maker. Jer has spent countless hours churning ice cubes into sugary snowcones.

More than the insane amount of toys now overflowing in our house, Christmas was filled with really great family time. We drove around way too much to see everyone, but it was really worth it. My girls are so blessed to have such a big family and they truly love spending time with everyone - from their multitude of great grandmas and aunts and uncles to cousins of every level.

New Year's was extra special this year, as New Year's Day was Jer's 30th birthday. We had a fabulous party with family and friends to celebrate. It was perfect party. Awesome food. A few silly games. Alcohol. Wii. Kids running around crazy and struggling to stay awake at midnight. It was a really wonderful night. I created a slide show of pictures of Jerry with the girls and had it looping on the computer, and it brought tears to a lot of people's eyes, including mine. My hubby is an absolutely amazing daddy, and his girls are completely in love with him (and me too).

So, holidays were great.

Still waiting on job news. The job I now want is a job that I initially thought was not at all the right fit. It's strange, but after several rounds of interviews, I really fell in love with the place and the role. It's a position that would challenge me, provide great growth potential, allow me to really make a difference in the organization and work with some great people. I am pretty sure they will be making a decision this week.... oh, the prayers I have been saying! I am just waiting for that phone call, either way. I must warn you that if I don't get this job, I know that I will personally be in a really bad place. After not getting the other job, this would be an even bigger blow to the self-esteem, and even though I know I am good at what I do... these last few months here haven't been great for me. I haven't been able to really use my talents or make much of an impact, and that really is a hard thing for me. I just want to be "working" again and feel alive at work again and love my job again!

I know all things happen for a reason. I know He has a plan for me. I just need to keep the faith. It will all work out the way it is meant to...

Well, I heard some news...

2008-12-23T08:16:00.000-08:00

but it wasn't good. I did not get the job at the Akron hospital. Totally bummed about it, but I understand their reasons.

Now - I am praying really hard that the other hospital works out. The more I learn about them, the more I like about them. The job comes with a lot of baggage, but it presents a HUGE opportunity to show what I am truly capable of... I had the surgeon-in-chief from my previous employer send a recommendation note to the CMO there. He bcc'd me on it, and it brought me to tears. I love physicians. They are such amazing people. The ones that I interviewed last week were wonderful too, so I sincerely hope an offer comes through after the holidays. I know the interview committee cannot all get together until after the holidays, so we'll see.

I know this is all happening for a reason and that He has a plan for me. I'm just praying things work out soon.

This will probably be my last post until after Christmas, so to anyone reading this... Merry Christmas!!! Hugs to you and your family!!

The Waiting Game

2008-12-22T08:41:00.000-08:00

I am stuck in this waiting mode. Waiting to hear from both hospitals about their decisions, waiting for Christmas to come, waiting for everything to feel normal and good again.... Just waiting.

The interviews went well last week. I got a much better idea of what the job would entail and the people were great. From what I gathered from the HR woman, this job is also between myself and one other candidate.

Oh, please, God, just let me end up where I am supposed to be soon.

The lessons I have learned through this entire experience are immeasurable. I am so... I don't know. Just smarter, I guess. I have learned so many difficult things, and I am certain that this will all end up exactly the way it was meant to be... I just hate waiting for it to happen!!

aaahhh.

Losing Steam

2008-12-17T06:17:00.000-08:00

Today I will do my 13th interview in 3 weeks. (That includes the 4 phone interviews I've done.) I am losing steam and getting burnt out. I really just want something to work out already.

I am still praying for the dream hospital job that I interviewed for last week. That's the ideal.

Yesterday was the first of a two-part second round of interviews at the other hospital. It was much better than the first interview there, and I now know much more about the position.

I don't know. I'm just exhausted by it all and stressed out beyond imagination. After today, I am done interviewing until the 30th - unless I get more calls... aaahhh.

Job front aside, the girls are great. We did the whole Santa visit thing last night. Emma HATED it. From the second she saw him and knew we were getting in the line, she was mad. Maddy was very excited to talk to him and tell him what she wanted. The problem was the mall had a high school band playing Christmas music beside Santa, and she was nervous so she talked real quiet and Santa couldn't hear her. I had to repeat everything she said! Poor thing. Santa felt bad too. He was a great Santa. Very endearing.

That's about it today. 4:00 today. Let the question firing begin!

Another Update

2008-12-11T12:13:00.000-08:00

So, I found out that my dream job is being decided between myself and one other person. PLEASE pray that I beat out my competition and land this job!! I just feel it in my bones that it's the right one!!

On a different note, I have a second round of interviews at another hospital next week - the one that I thought was a little strange the first time. Maybe I'll feel differently after I meet with some more people?

The phone interview this morning was a bust, but it may be a good opportunity for a friend... so thinking good thoughts for her.

And, thinking good thoughts for my little brother. He's interviewing today for a job that would be a step up for him.

Jobs Update

2008-12-10T07:01:00.000-08:00

Thanks to everyone for your good thoughts and prayers. Things seem to be going pretty well. I had my second round of intervews at a great hospital yesterday, and things went well. I interviewed with four people, which was incredibly exhausting, but it was all good. I love the hospital and the people, and I think I would be a great fit for the position. The salary is right and it would be a good growth opportunity for me. I am the first and only one they interviewed, so I have to wait for them to go through the HR process. I met with someone from HR at the end of the day yesterday, and she was really up front. They are going to interview a few other candidates, but I am at the top of pack :) I would LOVE to hear something before the holidays, but I'm not pressing my luck. I know they want to move pretty quickly, as the staff is small and down a few people right now... so continue to pray that things work out the way He has intended for me.

I've had a few other interviews and have some more coming up. I'm extremely grateful that things keep moving/flowing, because the day that they don't is when I will really probably lose it completely!

On another front, I am having some health issues. Gall bladder problems. I ended up at the doctor on Monday after a very bad attack over the weekend. I always knew I'd end up having issues related to my non-veggie/fruit diet, but this episode was the most painful yet. Now, I am on "the purple pill" - Nexium for the next six weeks. I can't eat any red meat for the next five days so that I can do this disgusting stupid stool test. I can't have any caffeine or alcohol until they figure out what is wrong with me. I have to have an ultrasound and blood work done in January. Ugh. Mess. And, of course, this could all just be stress-related. Whatever.

I still have A LOT to do for the holidays. I need to finish making my Christmas cards and send those out. Finish shopping. Start wrapping. Baking. AAAAHHHH! It's so hard to get into the holiday spirit with all this job stress weighing on my shoulders. I really just want a new job for Christmas. It would be such a gift to me and to everyone around me who has to deal with my neurotic reactions to all of this!!!

Christmas

2008-12-04T08:53:00.000-08:00

Got this from Julie
1. Wrapping paper or gift bags? Both. Gift bags for really odd-shaped things.

2. Real tree or artificial? Artificial... we had a real tree one year and the watering caused a big mess on our carpet and red "stain" from the tree stand. Never again. Pine scented candles do the trick.

3. When do you put up the tree(S)? Usually Thanksgiving weekend, but it went up a little early this year at the demand of my bossy daughter

4. When do you take the tree down? Early January

5. Do you like eggnog? blech

6. Favorite gift received as a child? "Joe Cook" my hobby horse. I bounced on that thing until I fell asleep.

7. Hardest person to buy for? My mother-in-law.

8. Easiest person to buy for? Maddy & Emma.

9. Do you have a nativity scene? Yes – Right now, Maddy has all of the "people" sleeping in the manger until Christmas :)

10. Mail or email Christmas cards? Mail

11. Worst Christmas gift you ever received? These hideous beads/necklace thing from the dollar store - my Grandma (God Rest Her Soul) was the worst shopper.

12. Favorite Christmas Movies? Right now I am a little sick of them all because we are watching them constantly - Frosty, Rudolph, The Grinch, Charlie Brown. That's what we watch. every. single. night.

13. When do you start shopping for Christmas? Black Friday - it's always the start of the madness

14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present? Sometimes we'll recycle gift cards, just because we would've bought them anyhow for people and we get TONS of them from Jerry's students.

15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas? All the yummy desserts, and especially all the cookies I make every year.

16. Lights on the tree? I prefer clear lights.

17. Favorite Christmas song? All songs on The Osmond Christmas Album (I have the CD version) because it is what we listened to every year when I was kid while we put up the Christmas tree

18. Travel at Christmas or stay home? Make many stops in Northeast Ohio

19. Can you name all of Santa's reindeer's? Yes. This is Maddy's fascination. She has learned them all this year and we go over and over them every. single. night.

20. Angel on the tree top or a star? Haha! On my special "Disney" tree, there is a Winnie the Pooh tree topper. On the other "fancy" tree there is a crystal star.

21. Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning? We'll open gifts with my family on Christmas Eve, but Santa presents are for Christmas morning!

22. Most annoying thing about this time of the year? There's never anywhere to park at the stores.

23. Favorite ornament theme or color? My Disney ornament collection. My grandma collected ornaments for me for years through this "ornament a month club." And there are amazing. I am really enjoying passing the tradition on to my girls when we put up the tree - we take each one out of its special box and talk about which movie they are from. I let Maddy hang up all the special ornaments this year, and I left them on the tree just how she arranged them. She did a pretty good job!

24. Favorite for Christmas dinner? Whatever I decide to make on Christmas Eve each year. I do a full-course meal from scratch for my family, and it is probably the most rewarding experience of my Christmas for me. To have my whole family around my table actually eating GOOD food that I made!

25. What do you want for Christmas this year? A new job.

Wish me Luck!

2008-12-03T09:26:00.000-08:00

I'm a few minutes away from heading out to my first of two BIG interviews this week!! Both are jobs back in health care that I would LOVE to have... aaahhh.... I'm nervous, but I've got my "serious" interview suit on and I'm havin' a good hair day, so I should kick butt! :)

I'll keep you posted.

Internal Angst

2008-12-01T06:41:00.000-08:00

I had an incredibly busy week! Wow...

Last Monday, my SIL delivered my handsome new nephew - Julian Robert. He's just precious and a perfectly adorable little boy.

Tuesday Maddy & I went to see the baby and then got our hair cut.

Last week I also had a few more job opportunities pop up, which has led to more scheduled interviews! Woo-hoo! That makes me happy. But, at the same time, this job stuff, as I've said before, is just killing me. I hate the "unknown" and the inability to have anything planned out in my head. It's keeping me up at night.

On Wednesday last week I brought Maddy to work with me. She thought that was pretty cool. She hung out in my office, writing on my marker board and playing with magnets. She drew me some pictures and hung them on the wall. Then, we went down to the cafeteria and had lunch. It was a sweet few hours here before we headed back home.

Thanksgiving was nice. Spent the early afternoon with my family at my grandma's house and then went to Jerry's mom's for the evening. Lots of yummy treats!

Friday was spent as it should be - shopping! Waiting in line for over an hour at Toys R Us. The girls are almost completely done, but I think I bought gifts for like 2 other people on the list!

The rest of the weekend was pretty low-key. It was nice to spend some time at home just hanging out with the girls. They were a little stir crazy by yesterday afternoon though so we took a little trip to my grandma's house for a nice visit and some comfort food :)

Back to work now. Ugh. Bored out of my mind. Just counting the hours until my day is over. I should get some phone calls tomorrow, and then I have an interview on Wednesday afternoon.

I just continually pray that I end up where I am meant to end up... soon! The stress is physically starting to get to me - headaches, nausea, insomnia, depression, just overall edginess. I don't want to spend Christmas feeling this way!

I also have got to get on the ball with Jerry's birthday party! So much to do!!!!

Things I've done

2008-11-19T14:14:00.000-08:00

I found this on Tina's blog . If you want to play along, just copy the list and highlight all the things you've done.
1. Started your own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland/world
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sang a solo
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Got flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten Caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Read the entire Bible
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone’s life
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee

Weekend Fun

2008-11-14T09:01:00.000-08:00

My mom picked up the girls last night for their weekly sleepover, but this time, I won't see them until Sunday! Feels so strange.

Anyhow, the girls are headed to Kalahari today with my mom and Jerry's parents. They are spending the day there together, and then Maddy is spending the night there with Jerry's parents and Jenna. My mom is taking Emma back to her house to sleepover BECAUSE... tomorrow, Jer and I are headed down to Canton, Ohio with friends of ours to watch a Malone College football game (Jer played for Malone) and then we are going to dinner and spending the night out there. I'm looking forward to the night away and to some alcoholic beverages! So - crazy schedule with the girlies, but I think it's all worked out among the grandparents :)

Sunday I will going out to get a manicure. I have two interviews next week. Wish me luck! Although, I don't think either of them is going to be quite the right fit, it will be great networking and conversation - one place, I know, is not going to be able to pay me enough and the other position isn't really right, but my contact wants to meet for breakfast and discuss opportunities anyhow, so it could turn into something... we'll see. There is another job that I am hoping to at least get an interview for that seems to sound like a better fit - I'm working contacts there left and right... we'll see.

I just want to vent a little about this job stuff... I am a control freak, obsessive planner by nature, and when things are unsettled and out of my control, I am a mess. So, I am a mess. I'm freaked out and worried about not having a job - biggest nightmare is if there comes a day when I'm not getting a paycheck - things would get ugly pretty fast. So, what do you think I do all day long? Obsessively look for postings. all.day.long. I know that I have applied/responded to ANYTHING that could work, but I'm still afraid I'm missing something, so I'll check repeatedly over and over all day. I have stayed away from sending anything to agencies - that's not a path I want to take at this point in time - and, I'm aiming high and hoping my resume is strong enough to get in the door at places I would like to work. I've had a few contacts call and tell me how impressed they are with my resume, and I have people coming out of the woodwork willing to make calls for me - that is what is getting me through these days. I just want to have things settled and figured out, so I can adjust my "life plan" accordingly. I wish HR people worked on my time zone! Ha!

Enough about that... something else fun to discuss - I think I am getting a new car tonight. Jerry is wheeling and dealing as we speak. A 2008 Dodge Avenger - deep water blue. I'm expecting a call from Jer any minute now to update me on what's going down. He's incredibly smart about these things and has done his homework. We drove the cars last night, and ultimately decided to go with the 08 because we can get the V6 cheaper than if we get the 09 in a 4 cylinder... I don't know. All kinds of discounts and rebates and dealing going on. All I know is Jerry about peed his pants when he got them down to a payment that was even lower than he ever went in there expecting. Now, he's just trying to get all the financing and stuff figured out. Jerry lives for this and I HATE this stuff - wheeling and dealing. I just pick out the color :) I'm also excited about this thing it has called UConnect, which is basically bluetooth built into the car.

Motivated by Music

2008-11-07T05:20:00.000-08:00

Today I feel a little bit out of the funk I've been feeling for the past couple of weeks. I don't know why. Nothing really "happened." I just seem to have turned a weird sort-of corner and have a much more positive and confident attitude about how things will play out. I think this is partly because I started my day today listening to the CD I burned last night with some new songs on it... songs that are upbeat and made me feel good. Here's my playlist and why I am motivated by the songs:

1. One Step at a Time by Jordin Sparks - I love the song, but it also makes me stop and realize that this whole job thing can only happen one step at a time and certain things are out of my control.
2. So What by Pink - "So what. I'm still a rock star." I think that says it all. I'm still a rock star at what I do and I will be a rock star no matter where I end up.
3. Love Story by Taylor Swift - This song just makes me realize how far Jerry and I have come together, and we do have a great love story, and no matter what happens with work, that will NEVER change. He's 100% there for me.
4. Moments by ? - I forget who sings this, it's a country song... "I've had my moments, days in the sun, moments I was second to none." Makes me reflect back on my career and where I've been and where I can go as a result of those "moments."
5. All I Want to Do by Sugarland - This song is totally how I feel every morning about coming to work these days. I just want to stay home and love my babies and my hubby, because things are so crazy here; however, today is Friday - and all weekend, that is just what I get to do!

There are more songs on the CD, but these are the few that I just want to start singing and dancing right now because they are completely in my head. I brought the CD into my office and will periodically listen to it, just to keep my head in this positive place!

Happy Friday!

Voting Chaos

2008-11-04T12:18:00.000-08:00

I voted this morning. I have the sticker to prove that I stood in line for an hour and witnessed the most chaotic display of leadership I have ever seen. There was the usual precinct confusion; however, what made it the worst experience for everyone was the woman who was "in charge" of our voting location. She did nothing but stand there and give out stickers. Once things started to get out of hand and the volunteers realized their room set-up wasn't really working, she didn't want to hear it, and had this "too bad" attitude. They had two lines for the two precincts voting at this location, but nobody to help those who didn't know which precinct they were in (which was about 2/3 of the people in line). And so, you had people waiting in the wrong line for a long time and then being sent to the back of the other line, and were they ever PISSED off. And then, once you got inside the door, they had the tables for the two precincts in weird locations in the room - to the point where there was this big cluster of people standing in the middle of the room waiting for an open voting machine while trying to snake around and through the precinct 3E line. There were a bunch of volunteers standing around turning a blind eye too - because line control wasn't their job. It was insane and people were getting so angry.

I got there at 6:45 a.m. and I left at 7:45 a.m. Just happy I got to cast my vote, and mildly amused at how unorganized the whole thing was, given they only had like 4 years notice that a presidential election was coming! Ha! And, I felt really sorry for the lady running the Girl Scouts bake sale that everyone thought was an election worker - she heard a lot of complaints that were really harsh, and all she was trying to do was provide coffee and snacks for a donation!

NO Idea

2008-11-03T07:39:00.000-08:00

I have no idea what to title this post or where to even start it really... There are so many things running around in my head:
1. All the Halloween happenings of the weekend
2. Job craziness
3. Stamping disappointment
4. Change in schedule tonight
5. Voting tomorrow
6. Sore throat
7. Jerry's 30th birthday party planning
8. Dentist appointment tomorrow night
9. Holiday shopping/planning & job stuff
10. Annual family shopping day coming up!

I am not going to write a book, so I am not going to address all of these things. I feel like my planner is getting slightly out of control, and I am so torn up about this job uncertainty and not being able to do any more about it at this point in time - type a personality coming through. I have sent resumes and notes and leveraged contacts for any open positions that would be of interest. There is a position at another area children's hospital that I WANT REALLY BAD. Keep your fingers crossed for me. I have a game plan on how to really go after it - I've taken the first few steps, and just have to sit back now. I'm praying with all of my heart that I can land this job. It would be a great next step and a perfect job for me... Ugh. Anyhow, I am just frustrated with all of the things on my plate right now. Stressing out. Worrying about money and what if I lose my job tomorrow? And I have a sore throat and don't feel good. I had headaches all weekend - my body does not physically respond well to stress. Thank God for hugs and kisses from my girls - they make it all go away!

Job Update/Happy Halloween

2008-10-31T06:19:00.000-07:00

OK - so lots to tell.

Job Stuff:

I am NOT going back to my old job.
Had dinner/drinks for 3 hours with the old boss. Emotional cry fest for me.
I would end up right back in that frustrated place that drove me to leave to begin with.
There is an amazing position open at another children's hospital that I am working hard to get - working connections, reaching out, praying like crazy!
Things here at the bank will move slowly for a while, so I've got some time.
Feeling better. More confident.

Happy Halloween! (I will post pictures this weekend)

Maddy is Hannah Montana.
Emma is Minnie Mouse.
They are both adorable in their costumes.
We went trick-or-treating last night at my mom's and are going again tonight in Medina.
Maddy was a nightmare - crying and shy and wanting no part of going up to people's houses.
Emma LOVED it! Running (even with her cast) up to people, getting candy, laughing and smiling and waving to everyone! So cute!
Gabby went too. She was this cute little pink flower!

We have a busy weekend. More trick-or-treating tonight, party tomorrow with family and then I have a stamping party on Sunday while Jer takes Maddy to the circus and Em stays with my mom! Crazy busy. I'm exhausted already.

Drinks Tonight

2008-10-28T06:29:00.000-07:00

Tonight is my drinks date with the old boss. I really hope it goes well. I'm nervous and very anxious about it. I mean J (old boss) is a very dear friend and I'm totally comfortable catching up with her, but I really do have a sincere interest in coming back there and I'm just nervous about her feedback and response to that will be. I have gotten emails from hospital leadership encouraging my return; however, not the leadership that will make the hiring decision... hmmm...

Things here at the bank are rather boring. Can't do too much without some feedback and answers that we don't have... so, here I sit, blogging.

Anyhoo - wish me luck tonight!

Interesting Day

2008-10-24T07:48:00.000-07:00

Well, today is not such a good day at work. We announced that we are being acquired by another bank. Bottom line: Lots of people in Cleveland will be losing jobs, including me. While they haven't officially announced the cuts, it's obvious. They will eliminate our headquarters though, which means "corporate support" stuff - like me - will go away. I've already reached out to the old boss... maybe I can just go back to the hospital as if I had been on an extended vacation? :)

We'll see what happens. Everything happens for a reason, and I know no matter what that I will land on my feet. This experience has only made me stronger.

I'm Bored... Can you tell?

2008-10-23T09:31:00.000-07:00

So, I'll do a couple of tags I noticed recently... 7 fun facts about me & 6 secrets.

6 Secrets:
1. I do not eat any fruits or vegetables EVER. For real. No joke.
2. I pay my mom to clean my house.
3. I'm a Google junkie. I Google people I know all the time, just to see what comes up. It's a strange thing I do when I'm bored...
4. My husband and I sleep with separate blankets - I don't like to share blankets, so I have mine and he has his. We rarely make our bed (unless people are coming over) because we can't keep our blankets separated when we make it...
5. I hate to read books written by men or if the main character is a man. Call me sexist, whatever.
6. I have puked on planes, several times. I get monster bad motion sickness if I don't take Dramamine. And let me tell you that those stupid little bags are not big enough or strong enough. Yuck.

7 Facts:
1. I turn 30 in 2009.
2. My mom is my best friend.
3. My daughter, Maddy's entire persona is a direct extraction of me. Her looks, her expressions, her voice, her entire personality.... it's like looking in a mirror.
4. I am counting down the hours until Nov. 12th when Emma gets her cast off!
5. I am driving to Dayton for the day next Wednesday.
6. We are going to HSM 3 on Saturday at 11:50 at Crocker Park.
7. I will officially become Gabby's Godmother on Sunday!

13 Years and Counting

2008-10-23T07:43:00.000-07:00

I was inspired by friend Megan and her post about her anniversary, and I wanted to post about some of the things that have changed since I had my first date with Jerry on February 24, 1995. Kind-of things we've been through together...

He taught me how to drive.
We went to Homecoming & Prom together our junior year.
I wore his football jersey to school and to his games :)
We broke up a few times - love high school drama!
We graduated high school together.
We went to college 4 hours away from each other, and made that drive in the middle of the night, when our schedules really didn't permit, and to turn around and drive right back, just to get 5 minutes of time together.
He lost his friend in college - he died from meningitis.
One year later, on the same day, he lost his precious "Grandpa George."
I graduated from ONU. Moved back home. Got a job. Quit said job and went back to school.
He graduated from Malone. Moved back home. Got a job.
We moved into a totally horrible apartment because it was cheap and we could be on our own together.
I got my Master's degree while we lived in that shitty apartment - Jerry paid all the bills on his first year teacher salary!
I got another job.
We broke our lease to buy/build our first home - moved in with my parents until it was ready.
We got married. June 8, 2002.
Went on a fabulous honeymoon.
I lost my job. Found a new one in mere days - just before we signed papers on our new house and moved in!!
We both got new, better paying jobs in 2003.
About a month after our second anniversary (2004), I got pregnant with Maddy.
In December of 2004 - suffered HUGE marital disaster, but lived to tell about it.
February 2005 - my grandma suffers major heart attack, life-flighted to Cleveland Clinic.
Maddy was born. March 25, 2005.
Niece Jenna was born April 6, 2005.
My brother got married. August 2005.
September 2005 - I am victim of identity theft. Resulted in $8,000 in credit card debt - later transferred to the thief!
My brother moved in with my parents - October 2005. FAMILY NIGHTMARE.
I switched jobs again - this time we needed to move.
My brother officially divorced - March 2006.
Built our second home (our dream home that we LOVE). Moved in April 2006.
July 2006 - got pregnant with Emma.
Emma was born. April 7, 2007.
Livin' life with two beautiful daughters.
June 2008 - my brother and fiancee have baby, Gabby.
August 2008 - I switched jobs again! VP.
September 2008 - my brother remarries.
November 2008 - nephew Julian will arrive!

As parents, we have done some amazing things with our girls that are cherished memories:

Maddy's emergency c-section.
All Maddy's firsts.
Hayrides at Boyert's every single year for Halloween.
Maddy to see Doodlebops live.
Maddy to see Sesame Street live.
Maddy to see My Little Ponies live.
Amazone.
Chuck E. Cheese
Kalahari (too many times to count)
Emma's scheduled c-section.
Both girls to see HSM on Ice
The movies.
The drive-in.
Wake-up Santa at the mall (totally insane).
Idlewild.
The Zoo.
Boo at the Zoo.
Artist for a Day.
All Fired Up.
Fairs.
Library adventures.
Geneva on the Lake.
Family reunions.
Emma's firsts.
Maddy's stitches.
Emma's broken foot.
Potty training.
Maddy's RSV scare.
Emma's horrible eczema issues.
Coming soon: HSM 3 movie trip!, Disney on Ice, DisneyWorld in June!!

Oh the list could go on and on. Anyhow, bottom line is that we've grown up together. We've gone from high school crazy drama teenagers to career/professionals, married with two amazing daughters. We've survived major blows to our relationship during the course of our 13 years, but there is no doubt we are in this life together forever. We've learned so much along the way, and we have truly shaped each other into the people we are today. I am so proud to be his wife and a mama to our little princesses :)

It'll grow out, but still...

2008-10-23T05:38:00.000-07:00

I got my hair cut last night, and I'm so mad. It's way shorter than I wanted and I don't like it. rrrrr. I have been getting my hair cut by the same person for 10 years, but this just makes me mad. I made a comment last night and her response was "that's what happens when we gab too much." Well, if you can't talk and cut my hair at the same time, then perhaps it is time to change things up and head to a different salon? Ugh.

Teary

2008-10-22T11:16:00.000-07:00

Have I mentioned that my job move was emotional and stressful and continues to haunt me? Well, on my way home from work last night my cell phone was going crazy because apparently there was a wild rumor flying around my former place of employment that I lost my job yesterday... strange. Anyhow, no. i did not. So, I had a legitimate work-related reason to call my old boss and I wanted her to know I was still employed and I called her today. Bad idea. It made me all teary and upset. I miss my old job... terribly. Sniff, sniff. I am having drinks with the old boss next week. Sniff, sniff. I have been gone for 2 months now, and I still dream about it every night, think about it all the time, worry about what lies ahead constantly.... sniff, sniff. Why did I have to give my heart to my work there? This would've been an easier thing to do if I hadn't fallen in love with my work... sniff, sniff.

Scrapbooking

2008-10-21T09:35:00.000-07:00

aaaahhhh... scrapbooking. Just the pure thought of it makes me feel warm and giddy all over! I am a complete addict. My Nikon P80 camera has made me crazy - taking hundreds of pictures and scrapbooking as many as I can! I mentioned before that my friend M and I go to Archiver's Scrap Mania once a month, and we are going on Saturday!! Woo-hoo!

I heavily prepare for these monthly outings - matching photos with papers and embellishments in advance and packing everything up "just-so." This month, I am eager to scrap Maddy's flower girl photos, some more "top model" photos, Emma's cast pictures, Maddy & Daddy's Date Night photos, and some photos of the girls "helping mommy" bake a cake.

I think I may start posting photos of some of my layouts. I'm a 12x12, two-pager girl. My layouts are loaded with pictures and I despise photos cut into weird shapes. My pictures drive everything and my pages have to have dimension. I hate "flat" pages.

During my 6 hours at Archiver's on Saturday, I will probably get 8-10 (2-page) layouts done. The prep ahead makes all the difference!

While I'm discussing creative things, I am in desperate need of some time tonight to catch up on my stamping business stuff!!! I have a big order to place and prep work to do for October's club meeting. This weekend is crazy busy, and our meeting is Monday!

Retail Therapy

2008-10-21T09:19:00.000-07:00

I am an absolute firm believer in retail therapy. I know that shopping always makes me feel better. This is normally not a big deal - I will go in spurts and binges, but nothing too significant. UNTIL NOW. When everything around you has made you into a stressed out depressed nutcase and your true "medication" is shopping, you can end up doing some serious financial damage. And, thus this post.

Ever since I switched jobs, I have been a mess. Mentally, I am still angry and upset and sad and hurt over my previous job. I am bored and confused and disappointed and stressed out about the new job. I dream about work. I constantly second guess my decision to leave my old job. I have no idea what the future holds at my new employer. ugh. I am just a mess about it all, and so what do I do? Shop. A lot. Damn that stupid Target store!!!!

Target is my Prozac. I can walk through Target for hours and hours and find hundreds of dollars of things that I don't need but have to have... and I can honestly tell you that it is extremely rare for me to leave that store without spending at least $100. It makes me feel good... until the credit card bill comes (and I dread the lecture from Jer again :) Because, mixed in with the Target doses are the expensive trips to the craft stores... oh yes, Archiver's and Joann's are additional drugs of choice. Scrapbooking supplies are wonderful and inspiring... and expensive. I always have new pages needing extra embellishments and more paper and ribbon and rub-ons and oh my!

So anyway... shopping is what I always turn to in times of mental angst. And, lately there has been a lot of mental angst - work, Emma's broken foot, etc. - which means a lot of shopping. The credit card bill (my credit card - the one Jerry allows me to use for therapy) came on Friday, and I kept it hidden in my purse until this morning. I didn't want it to ruin the weekend :) Anyhow, it was a little higher than normal (and it also has our airline tickets for our Disney trip on it) and I expect to get a lecture when I get home this evening. I left it in the office (along with a check for some funds out of my stamping account to help alleviate Jer's stress over the bill) before I left for work this morning. Sneaky, I know.

I'm sure this is amusing. My guilt/shame over excessive retail therapy this month. I go back and forth between feeling guilty/ashamed and entitled. I make almost twice as much money as my husband, and the new job provided a hefty salary increase, so part of me feels this sense of "I deserve it." The other half though knows how hard Jerry works on our budget/bills/financial stuff to keep us from being swallowed up in this economic mess the world is in, and I am not doing my share to help...

Anyhow, this is a monthly internal battle for me. I'll let you know who wins this one.

Fall

2008-10-20T05:54:00.000-07:00

Fall is my absolute favorite time of year - for a lot of reasons. It's more than the leaves changing color. It's more than the crisp wind blowing my hair while the sun gloriously shines...

It's football season, and many of my most favorite memories with Jerry revolve around either him playing high school or college football. It's the perfect soup-feeling weather, and my love for making good soup. It's the pumpkin patch and Halloween. It's sweatshirts and sweaters. It's cozy, curl up with a blanket and a good book nights. It's baseball post-season - Jerry and I really like watching the close, down-to-the-wire games.

There are a few falls from the past that really stand out in my mind.
- the fall we spent in our crappy little apartment before we were married. I was in grad school and spent many mornings running (when I was like a size 2 and still losing weight for the wedding).
- the fall we moved into our new house after we got married. We were so proud to have built our first home.
- the fall I started my job at UH... The Ritz Carlton Pumpkin Parade, trick-or-treat for the patients.
- the fall I was pregnant with Emma and went into this crazy cooking frenzy and wanted to cook large meals for my entire extended family every weekend.
- and now this fall. Maddy was the flower girl. Emma broke her foot.

OH, and Sweetest Day. Sweetest Day has always been a great holiday for Jer and I. Again, it was always during football season, which meant plans were always mapped out well in advance. In college, I always came to that game, wherever it was. I remember most years it ended up being at home in Canton. I remember so many great things about our little Sweetest Day adventures, and this year was no different. My hubby, who was amazing to me and our girls this weekend, bought me a REAL Coach purse for Sweetest Day and a matching change purse!!!!!! He also took the girls and I for a stroll through Crocker Park, which was so sweet on Saturday because the girls were snuggled with blankets in their wagon and it was a beautiful day. Then we all went to lunch together and had a great afternoon as a family before heading to a big "hayride" that night.

I'm feeling nostalgic and blessed today. :)

18 Months Old

2008-10-08T06:20:00.001-07:00

My baby Emma is 18 months old already! I cannot believe it. I took her for her check-up/shots yesterday, and it just made me all emotional about how fast she's growing up. Emma is a mama's girl, and I always feel just how much she needs me when she's scared or confused. Maddy was always so independent and smart and outgoing that she never really showed a "need" for mama. Emma is much more quiet and reserved and will bury her face in my shoulder in her moments of shyness. I LOVE this about her. She melts my heart. Her little curls in the back of her hair are priceless, and her belly laugh gets me every time. She's so different from her older sister, but she tries so hard to be just like her, and I love watching her efforts.

Emma Grace is my silly girl who loves "Pooh" bear and Pablo from Backyardigans. She will eat anything you put in front of her, and she LOVES shoes. And socks. Always wants shoes and socks on. She loves her crib and will sleep forever. She's my snuggly girl and I just can't get enough of her!

I worked from home yesterday so I could take her to the doctor. I also got to pick Maddy up from school. Nice to spend time with them, but hard to be back at work today.

By the way, I am so proud of Maddy at school. The teacher's feedback to us is that Maddy is friends with everybody and likes to play with everyone. My niece (who is in her class) gets upset with Maddy for playing with other kids, and the teachers are trying to encourage Maddy to continue her friendships and for my niece to start playing with other kids too. I love that Maddy is so confident and secure with herself to just play and talk to all the kids!

Blah

2008-10-06T07:28:00.000-07:00

Today is a blah day. It definitely feels like Monday. I am mad at Jerry for his stupidity yesterday - details I do not need to divulge, just typical man crap. I am also mad at myself, because while I normally am on top of EVERYTHING in my planner, I made a mistake with Emma's well visit appointment which has forced me to request to work from home tomorrow. I thought I had scheduled her appointment for the 11th (Saturday) when I actually scheduled it for tomorrow (the 7th) at 10:00 a.m. ANNOYING. She has to get shots, so I want to be there myself. I know Jer is going to suggest that his mom take her, but I am adamantly against that.

Anyhow, I am just blah today. Have my . Blah. CRANKY day.

On a happy note, I did have a fun weekend with the girls. Went to the drive-in on Friday to see the Chiuaua(sp?) movie. Cute. On Saturday, we went shopping and to lunch with my grandma and Maddy asked her to spend the night, so she did. We made homemade pizza for dinner, which Maddy loves to do. Yesterday, I made homemade wedding soup (damn those stupid little meatballs that take FOREVER to make!). I baby-sat my niece yesterday. Gabby. Oh, speaking of little Gabs, my brother asked me to be her godmother. That makes me feel really honored. She's so cute!

Oh well, I'm going to go get on with my blah day. Hope you are having a better Monday than me!

Traffic Fiasco

2008-10-03T06:27:00.000-07:00

When I took this new job a month or so ago it meant re-joining the "downtown" work force and battling the commute nightmares every day. Things haven't been too bad - I was actually surprised at how easy the commute had been. UNTIL THIS WEEK. Stupid stupid inter-belt bridge inspection junk. Closing two lanes both ways AND closing all the on-ramps for the freeway that are remotely close to my office building!!! Ugh. I have been forced to adventure off on new routes I wasn't too sure about, but nonetheless made my way to and from work.

All of this recent traffic experience has had me reminiscing about my first ever job "downtown" and how freaked out about driving down here I had been - I wouldn't do it. I took the rapid every day because I was afraid of traffic. This seems so funny to me now, but I was young (20) and completely inexperienced at the whole work environment. I remember getting so mad when I didn't get to leave right at 5:00. Now, 5:00 is like a pipe dream! Ohhh... how times have changed. Traffic still sucks though - it doesn't scare me now, just pisses me off.

Out of Maddy's Mouth

2008-10-02T07:38:00.000-07:00

This is probably going to be a regular thing - posting the crazy things that Maddy says.

Last night, out of the blue... "Mommy, you have a big job."
"I do? Who told you that?"
"Daddy."

Playing at home... "Mommy, can I walk the runway now?"
"Sure. Go ahead."
"No, mommy. You need to take my picture. I'm a top model."

Yelling when she catches me hugging daddy... "Mommy, get away from my daddy!"
"Why? I can't love daddy too?"
"No. You can only love Emma."

This morning, getting up for preschool... "Mommy, I want to take a shower by myself today."
"ok." Mommy puts her in the shower. She immediately starts yelling... "MOMMY! I CAN'T FIND MY BODY TO WASH!" She meant her pink body wash that was in the tub from her bath last night. "MOMMY!! I CAN'T FIND MY BLUE SHAMPOO!" Shampoo was with the body wash. "MOMMY!!! I LOVE YOU."

Last night, she had lined up a bunch of stuffed animals on the couch and was reading them books and pretending to be their teacher. She put stickers on each one. I asked her why they got stickers - for doing a good job? She says, "No, mom. Those are name tags." So, I asked what their names were, and proceeds to point to each and every single sticker and say, "See Mommy, M-A-D-D-Y Elmo. M-A-D-D-Y Patches. M-A-D-D-Y Monkey...." She thinks M-A-D-D-Y spells "name."

And one more thing.... every morning Maddy likes to stand on the scale in our bathroom. She tells me, "I have to measure my feet." aaahhh... if only that's what it really did!

Financial Crisis - A Crash Course in Banking

2008-10-01T06:26:00.001-07:00

So I started working for a bank about a month ago. Yes, I know. Smart career move. Perfect time to join the financial services sector.

Anyhow, as you may have guessed from the name of my blog, I am by no means a smarty pants serious banker type. Until I started working here, I honestly never paid a minute of attention to the stock market or anything financial in nature. I didn't do very well in econ class either. However, I have learned a lot in this very short amount of time.

If you've paid an ounce of attention to the news lately, you know our country is in the middle of a financial hurricane. My job = media relations for a bank in the middle of it all. Fun times. In my first month here, I have worked 13 hour days, been on multiple weekend conference calls, and witnessed heroic media relations efforts. I am in complete awe of the team I have joined, and am getting a serious crash course in all things banking, as well as first hand education on best-in-class crisis communication management. Does that mean I love my new job? Absolutely not.

Until things calm down (if things calm down), I can't do a whole lot. My job is really about promoting events and activities in specific markets to the media; however, given the fact that ALL banking/finance reporters are covering the Wall Street crisis, it is totally a waste of time to pitch anything else at this point. Not to mention we don't really want to right now. I'm bored. I can't help too much with the crisis stuff. I just keep my eyes on the media coverage in my markets and pitch in when I can. I sit in my new office, mostly in mute mode listening to conference calls. Job security is a big issue too - with all of these banks falling down around us, who knows who's next... aaaahhhh.... what did I get myself into?

Enough about work. I am sure it will work itself out. Until then, I am focusing much more on my creative work - stamping and scrapbooking. Loving that. I want to go on a scrapbooking getaway weekend sometime soon. My friend M and I have been going once a month to Archiver's Scrap Mania - love it! I highly recommend it. 6 hours of uninterrupted scrapbooking with the added benefit of as-needed shopping!! Had my Sept. stamp club meeting on Monday. I did all Halloween stuff - pretty fun projects. A Frankenstein candy bar wrapper, card using the new scallop edge punch, Pop Rocks card.

My parents are on vacation in California until Tuesday. I HATE when my parents go anywhere. I feel so stranded because of everything my mom normally does for/with me and my girls! Usually, she has my girls overnight every Thursday night and does stuff with us/them on the weekends. She does the girls' laundry. She cleans my house (I pay her for this with stamping stuff). She is always available to pick something up for me on the way home that I can't because I'm stuck in traffic or working late. Just all these things that are such hugely helpful tasks to my routine. I really miss her!! I know... I'm spoiled. But I really do appreciate her and everything she does. Believe me, I do show her my gratitude :) And, I think all of the hugs, kisses and "I love you's" from the girls are all she really does it for anyway!

On to the most important topic of all - Fashion. So, it's officially fall. My absolute favorite time of year. I LOVE the skirts and tights and sweaters that come with the cooler weather. I am feeling a bit inadequate on the work wardrobe front though. I went shopping a couple weeks ago and bought two suits, but I am returning one. I feel guilty about how much it cost, and I don't LOVE it enough for the money. The other one is pretty awesome though. It's more a professional dress than an actual suit - very Jackie-O. I have decided that there is really one designer of petite suits that I can actually wear - Tahari. All of the other petite suits are not petite. The pants are meant for someone at least 6 inches taller than I am. Anyhow, I am ready to bust out the wool A-line skirts and opaque tights. I am on the look out for a new plaid skirt - one that I can mix with different jackets and turtleneck combinations. And of course, I am always looking for shoes. I need to find a new pair of brown "school shoes" (as my friend Julie calls them) for the evenings/weekends romping around with the girls. There were a few pairs at DSW worth considering... will have to make a return trip. Maybe on Saturday while Jer is at a bachelor party! :)

This Blog

2008-09-12T13:12:00.000-07:00

I was posting stuff on my My Space blog, and I just wasn't really comfortable with that... Some people who are my "friends" on there, are not exactly those I want reading my innermost thoughts. So, I've moved here. Perfect Plaid Pumps. Inspired by my previous blog post, I thought the name suits me well :)

If any of you used to read the old blog "Working Mama with Lots of Drama," I apologize. I quit posting on it when I couldn't access blogger at work anymore, and it's been so long now that I don't remember any of the access information. Plus, some of the baggage posted on there, I'd like to just leave behind at this point in time.

So, this blog... not a "Todo Family" blog. While I may discuss my girls a bit, this is not going to be a re-cap of family life at my house - I'm not into that because honestly our time all together doing "family" things is so limited AND, that part of who I am is better left inside the walls of home. Not a blog about work, although I may discuss a bit of work here. The real focus is going to be on ME. Me as a woman, as a professional, as a mom, as a daughter, a sister, a friend. This blog will be the outlet for the thoughts and things that run around in my head, but not really appropriate for actual vocal discussion with anyone. More of my whims and wishes. I'm not writing this blog for you - it is for me. A place to vent. If you want to read my rants and ramblings, thanks. I'm honored. Comments are great. I can always use free therapy.